Ma'am me again and see what happens...


*Ma'ambush (verb): 
1. a sneak attack made on an innocent woman who is too young to be addressed like she is an old lady.
2. the act of attacking such an innocent and undeserving woman.

I am still a part of the under 30 crowd but just barely. And with the big 3-0 just months away I can't tell if I'm truly afraid of my thirties or if I'm just giving in to the idea that I'm supposed to be afraid. Either way, I'm hanging on to 29 for dear life and trying to hang with the young kids while I'm still considered twenty-something.

Most of this year has been a very rude awakening. I have realized that I need sleep, water, relaxation, and warmth more than any previous year of my existence and I assume that those are all signs of my approaching thirties. I do my fair share of laying around with sweaters and blankets wrapped all over me but I also try to keep my social calendar on point so that I don't prematurely fall into the elderly lady abyss. 

Recently, I got dolled up for a birthday party and even wore makeup <gasp!> and jewelry <double gasp!>. At one point in the night, a guy walked past me and said, "Excuse me, ma'am." Err...umm...what?! First of all, everyone at the party was a friend of a friend and this was an invite-only situation. Who uses ma'am to address friends of friends...on a Saturday night...at a bar? Second, I didn't have a cane and was not wearing my standard issue cardigan. So what's up with the ma'am talk? 

You tell me, does this sound like something a ma'am would wear --
  • hot pink satin blouse (blouses are so in right now and don't get me started on the resurgence of neon) 
  • black skinny jeans (tight yet tasteful)
  • black heels (which I specifically wore instead of my orthopedic flats)  

Basically, I did everything I could to step my game up and some neanderthal decides that he wants to make a funny. So here we are folks, this is the beginning of the end. I'm no longer a young lady or a miss but an old, crusty ma'am at the tender age of 29. In my fantasy retelling of this unnecessary encounter, I say to the guy, "I'll show you ma'am." Then I drag him into the alley by his hair and beat him senseless. I like that ending better, so let's all pretend that it happened that way instead.